When Faith & Inclusion Collide
“When we learn to be inclusive, we can be a world of shalem, or wholeness, and create a world of shalom, which is peace.” (Rabbi Ted Riter, Temple Adat Elohim, California)
This is not an easy post for me to write. It is a deeply personal story for our family and it is one of great sadness, disappointment, anger & disillusionment. I know that it is a long post, but I believe that if you are a person of faith, it is an important investment of your time.
Let me begin with a little background. My daughter is part of a wonderful special education program. The program is part of a Jewish Special Education agency which “provides a continuum of services to ensure that children, regardless of ability, can maximize their potential and participation in all aspects of Jewish education through partnerships with families, educators and the broader community.” The program itself is housed within a Jewish day school. When it began, the program was fully self-contained. Over the years it grew & developed into a more “modified” self-contained program. Those special education students who were able, began to participate in mainstream & remedial level classes with their typical peers within the day school classrooms. The true beauty of this dynamic was that students, like Yael, could have the best of both worlds. If a student required small group, special education support in one subject area, they could receive that in the self-contained classroom. If they had a strength in another subject area, they could learn alongside the day school students, with support if necessary. Some students found so much success within the typical classrooms, that over time they spent almost no time at all in the self-contained classroom & became almost completely integrated into the day school.
From the moment that Yael began this program, she truly blossomed. She did receive some instruction in the small group, self-contained setting, but she spent a good deal of time out in the mainstream. She was part of the remedial level classes in Math & Language Arts, took Hebrew & Judaic studies in the mainstream, as well as Science & Social Studies (with support). She worked hard & her efforts were rewarded with excellent grades & reports from her teachers. She made wonderful friends both in the self-contained setting & the mainstream. We felt as if we had finally found a wonderful educational “home” for Yael, and for her sisters who were enrolled in the day school. The fact that all of this could be achieved in a faith-based setting, and that our children could grow not only academically & socially, but spiritually as well, was like a dream come true for us. I am not sure that I have mentioned this yet, but my husband is a rabbi & our faith plays a very important role in our family life & our children’s upbringing. So, all was good… or so we thought.
As with any program that grows & changes over time, there were issues. When that program is housed within another institution, there are bound to be conflicts & concerns. One would hope that two educational organizations, each acting as “faith-based” programs, would be able to sit down with teachers, administrators & parents and work through any of the issues that would come up. But, that is not always the case. This past year, the Jewish day school that we called “home” decided to pull the plug on all academic inclusion for the special needs children in Yael’s program. When word got out that this decision was percolating, Fred & I and many other parents whose children would be effected by this change, wrote letters, had meetings and tried to turn the tide before such a disastrous decision could be put into effect. We fought hard, but in the end we lost. The day school maintained that our special needs children were not a part of their mission statement. The administration shared that our students, who often came in with aides & who may have behavioral/social issues, were a distraction to teachers & students. They maintained that some children were being mainstreamed inappropriately, and there were issues of crowded classrooms & teachers who felt unable to teach. We were told that the declining enrollment numbers were not the fault of a floundering economy, but that our children were essentially to blame. Yet when parent after parent asked the administration not to simply throw out the existing program, yanking the rug out from under our children, but instead to work on these issues with the administration & teachers of the special education program, we were told there was no time for that. Truth be told, none of these issues were insurmountable, but they could only be solved by parties truly invested in making inclusion work, which the day school administration was not. My husband and I were told that not only was Yael not a part of the school’s mission statement, but that the administration made their decision knowing that angry parents might even pull the “typical needs” siblings out of the day school, and they were prepared for such a loss. Translation… none of my kids truly mattered. They were all disposable. Never, in all the meetings we had since Yael’s diagnosis, had I felt such a profound sense of loss & betrayal. Never had I fought so hard for her, only to come up empty-handed. My daughter became a casualty of an administrative decision that came from a faith-based school, that acted without faith. Her first brush with discrimination came at the hands of a Jewish institution. The first door slammed shut in her face, came from a Jewish school. I am still so angry, hard as I try to get past that. My daughter will be in a self-contained classroom next year, as she enters Middle School. This will not be because her parents & teachers decided that it would be best for her, it will be the result of a decision made by the leadership of the Jewish Day School.
What is the responsibility of our faith-based institutions when it comes to our most vulnerable children? Should they be guided solely by a business mind, or should the values of their faith play a role in their decision-making? If you are to call yourself a Jewish school or a Christian school or any other school of faith, should the morals & principles of your religious beliefs be woven into the decision-making process? If not, then what exactly makes you different from any other school or institution? And what better way to teach the students of any faith-based school, the principles of compassion, tolerance, acceptance & good deeds, than to have them learn side by side with children who are differently-abled.
This story doesn’t have a happy ending & I have not been able to find a silver lining. I can only say that what happened to my family, continues to happen on one level or another, within the walls of many faith-based institutions. Within our synagogue & church walls, within our private faith-based schools, we have yet to create a fully inclusive society. It is not enough to have a Disabilities Awareness Week or Month, because there are people within our community living 365 days a year with disabilities. Where are they to go, and how are they to feel the rest of the year? If we are all created in God’s image, than it is time for our faith-based institutions to recognize the divine spark that resides within all of our children and create for them an inclusive, accepting & tolerant community. I believe that is what my faith, your faith & God truly wants of us and I will continue soldiering forward to try to make that happen for my Yael. But I can’t win this battle alone. We must all take it upon ourselves to ask our clergy what they are doing to make our synagogues, churches & mosques more accessible. We must ensure that our Jewish, Christian, Muslim & other faith-based schools are not only for the “best & the brightest” but that faith-based education reflects the rich diversity of our communities. We must hold our clergy responsible for reaching out to those on the periphery, and partner with them in doing so. And, when we see someone who is differently-abled attending a service, or faith-based community event or school we must reach out to help them feel a part of our community, not on designated days or weeks or months, but each & every day. Perhaps if that begins to happen, than this sad story will have had some meaning.
If you have some more time to devote to this topic, I invite you to listen to this podcast by Rabbi Brad Artson, father of a son with autism. His challenges to the Jewish community on inclusion have a message for all of us, no matter what our faith is. It is well worth a listen.
Rabbi Brad Artson, \”Including People With Special Needs\”
Disheartening and frustrating. I am struck that this post is the sequel to “Roadmap to Faith” where you speak of the wide-ranging emotions you experience in your Holland. In “Roadmap” you make the encouraging statement that “It is faith that can serve as our compass; faith in people, in friends, in our children & in ourselves.” Isn’t it difficult to hold to that faith when our own institutions behave with less than good faith? It is especially troubling when the institutions seem unwilling to even negotiate to address the problem.
Oh Deborah… my heart aches for all of you after reading this. It must be so discouraging to find something so wonderful that is suddenly ripped out from under your feet. It really infuriates me to read something like that-an institution that represents so much in faith and community to only shut people (children no less) out. I feel like spreading the word to my special needs community up here and have every single one of them write a letter to Yael’s school to help. I only wish that one of the administrators had a child with a disability and then watch them go through what they are doing to others. Your strength and courage going through this and to write about it to the world is incredible. Stay positive, because I do believe what goes around comes around for both sides. Yael will somehow get a break and something wonderful will come to you all. Remember “Keep the faith”. Our God is still on our side. OXOX
I am shocked and sickened that such a wonderful school has taken such a horrible wrong turn. At one point the school was about the students, their families and the community – obviously that is no more. I have seen this turn growing in momentum for a few years and is wrong – if we are not for our future then what are we about?? You and your family will find the right setting for Yael – I just wish you didn’t have to.
This is heartbreaking for me to read. I am deeply grieved to hear that a faith based institution of learning would have such discriminatory practices. I pray that the administrators would have cause to examine their hearts a little more closely. But, that said, God has guided you thus far, and will continue to do so. Man may make poor, selfish, and ill-informed choices, but God does not…He will take your family where you need to be.
I have been a fan of the blog for quite some time. Thank you for writing this entry. I truly sense your frustration and anger with the situation. I sense a deeper conflict in this situation than the one between faith and inclusion. The most basic conflict is between the community’s values and the economic realities (or at the very least,the perception of those economic realities.) I am so sorry for the tough place that you and your family have been put in by these decisions. I pray that Yael and her classmate continue to get the educational resources they need.
I agree totally!!
I feel that the Jewish community has made a concerted effort to accommodate children with special needs. However, I have found that the politics and funding have gotten in the way of being able to successfully implement and sustain a true inclusion program. What many of the parents don’t understand is that the benefits on an inclusion program don’t only benefit the children with special needs but also the mainstreamed children.
A parent of a child at this school, who is my doctor, had made a comment to me at my last visit about being against inclusion in the classroom b/c it took away from his child’s experience and learning. I had to do everything in my power not to lash out at him. Needless to say, I do not feel that the importance of a Jewish day school education outweighs the needs of my child. Unlike you, I did not have as much time/energy/money invested but would seriously consider other options b/c the anger you’re feeling is not going to go away especially if you have to see the people who made this decision every day.
Good blog posting. I am a few years ahead of you in the shock, anger and hurt around this issue. We have had multiple similar things happen since my now 11 year old son was 4 years old. We always thought that if only those in charge knew that there was an injustice, it would be changed; especially in a faith based organization. Like all other organizations though, they also operate out of ignorance, fear, and financial concerns. We have met with over five different Rabbi’s over the years as we tried to change the reality of each situation.
When my son was younger we lived in Houston and he attended the synagogue preschool. Despite my being on the board of trustees there, they attempted to kick him out for disrupting others…even though we paid for an army of therapists and bought supplies for the school to help include him in the program successfully. I was still in my “mainstream at all costs” phase.
When we applied to the reformed Day School in Houston, we were told by the head of the school and admissions person that “we can’t have him disrupting our program”. Basically they seemed that I would understand that he would be disrupting the other Jewish children that belonged in that program. I cried in the parking lot of that school and remember the shock of that moment today. It influenced our decision to move to Atlanta when given the opportunity.
When we moved to Atlanta we made a family sacrifice to found and fund a school when we could not find one, faith based or not, that not only accomodated, but embraced children with social and emotional challenges (read: behavior)
Most recently and sadly, we left The Temple when after four years my son’s Sunday school experience was having a teenage shadow play with him to keep him from disturbing other children in his class. He had no friends and was not learning anything. When we offered to fund a self contained class – we were told that “there are no other children” like him in Atlanta. We had offered to fund advertising to find others if needed. It is not a financial issue, but a fundamental discomfort with children who have invisible disabilities.
I have also referred people to Rabbi Brad Artsen to educate them about what the real issue with inclusion is. Inclusion is a platitude thrown around casually…more often it is a ramp for a wheelchair or headphones for the hard of hearing at services.
Teaching children to make lunch for and help the homeless is easy in a faith based organization. Including bright and behaviorally challenged children in a meaningful way in our community is a bit trickier and requires real compassion.
Laura & Gail, I thank you for sharing your own personal stories. I feel your pain. I struggle each day with what has happened to my child & what is happening to Jewish children and families, who feel that they are on the fringes. I hope and pray that as we begin to share our stories & demand a place for our children within our Jewish institutions, schools & houses of worship, we will be able to make change, real change, happen. I believe that dialogue like this is how it begins…and I am grateful to you for being a part of that.
Wow- somehow I missed this post. I have been so upset since I heard of this uproar several months ago. While my son did not need it for Kindergarten, it was our ‘go to’ place when the time came. It was the perfect mix of mainstream, extra supports, inclusion, educating of typical peers on others’ needs & differences with the added benefit of the Jewish education & extended Jewish family.
However, I am not just like a mother bear with my kids but my friends also. I had a friend whose son was denied entrance to the day school a few years ago. He has a diagnosis of high functioning autism which they shared with the school. He is brilliant, somewhat social & had been mainstreamed all thru preschool with minimal supports. I felt like it was such a slap in the face from one of our own. We are taught to respect our jewish bretheren yet we cannot except the less than “perfect” (in their eyes) child? I was so disappointed by this decision. It truly left a whole in my heart but the good news is that that child has found a wonderful school to call home. They accept him for who he is & revere his outstanding qualities while working with him on his areas needing improvement.
Deborah- thank u once again for a truly wonderful, though difficult to write & read blog.