A Dose of Compassion & Kindness~ Jersey Style

If you missed this episode of “What Would You Do” which aired on ABC this past Friday, I really urge you to take a moment and watch. So often in the autism community, we are faced with ignorance, indifference & judgement. But every now & again, we may be touched by the kindness of strangers. This is one of those times….

I watched it with tears streaming down my face. I remembered so many times that I was dealing with my daughter’s meltdowns, trying to figure out what was upsetting her, how I can help her and trying my hardest to comfort my child. In the midst of some of those, the hardest parenting moments of my life, I was met with unsolicited & unwelcome parenting advice.  And if I didn’t get advice on how I should discipline my child, I was met with cold stares followed by people simply shaking their heads & turning away. So often I left supermarkets with a full cart of food standing in the aisle. I left playgrounds and went home to cry. My child was in pain, struggling, and I didn’t know how to help her. I felt alone. Harder were the moments when people would ask me why my daughter was struggling & I would stand there unable to answer. Damn it! Didn’t they know that if I knew what the hell she needed or wanted, I’d be giving it to her! Inquiring minds may have wanted to know… but what about what I wanted & needed in those moments?!

We’ve dealt with stares as my daughter stims. Though she doesn’t do it as often these days, she used to flick her fingers vigorously as she stimmed back & forth. She would bring her toys or fingers right up to her eyes, looking at them solely through her peripheral vision. Or she would roll her head from side to side repeatedly, much the way Stevie Wonder does. She stood out and over time, this mommy grew a thicker skin & realized that if she wasn’t bothering anybody, then she should be free to simply be herself.  Let others change their perceptions & stereotypes. After all, they were the ones with the problems, not her.

These days, I am older, tougher and far less inclined to deal with anybody’s bullshit. Age, experience & confidence has a way of doing that to you. Outwardly, my daughter’s autism shows itself in more subtle ways, though she still stims quite a bit, sometimes at a dizzying pace.  And, as she has come to understand her own autism, she has learned to advocate for herself & to educate others. But, as every autism family does, we have our run ins with ignorance every now & again. Still, it truly touched my heart to see this piece on ABC. It gives me hope that autism awareness is indeed growing. It renews my faith in people and their capacity for compassion & kindness.

And, since it’s Friday, you know Ryan Gosling has something to add to the conversation…

 Jew “ish” Ryan Gosling… well, let’s just say that he’s simply kvelling (extremely proud) over those cafe patrons!  It gives him such nachas (joy) to see people being so hamish (warm & loving). And all that emotion clearly has him emotionally overwhelmed & faklempt. Can you blame him?

And his alter-ego Special Needs Ryan Gosling… yeah, well… sometimes all it takes is a look to shut ignorance down… especially when you look like this!

And this last one is for my friend Janel, who sure can get her Jersey on when she needs to. Especially when it comes to her kid. Her Jersey peeps sure did her proud in this segment!

Check out all that Ryan has to say this week over at extremeparenthood.com 

Ryan Gosling Takes On Autism & Obesity…

And with that conversation starter… it’s time for another round of Special Needs Ryan Gosling at extremeparenthood.com

Autism Awareness Month seems to bring every crackpot out of the woodwork, claiming to have a new theory on what causes autism. I’ve already shared my perspectives on the so-called study linking autism to obese mothers. If you haven’t read it, you can check it out here: http://ourpieceofthepuzzle.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/theoryoftheday/

As for Ryan, he hates to see us getting stressed out over these media stories. So, he’s decided we need to get unplugged & spend some time with nature…

And in case you were wondering how Ryan feels about stories & studies that blame us for causing autism…

And never to be left out on Fridays, Jew “ish” Ryan Gosling has something to say as well… in case you need some translation of his yiddish zaftig is full bodied & pleasantly plump and mishegas is nonsense or as my bubbie used to say, “nonsense talk.” And a nosh is a little snack… because bubbie always believed in a little comfort food to soothe what ails you.

Autism Awareness… Gosling Style

It’s Friday and that means it’s time for Sunday Stillwell’s Special Needs Ryan Gosling! Check out all of the hilarious bloggers who are participating at extremeparenthood.com

That Ryan is always thinking up the best ideas… of course Autism Awareness Month should have one day dedicated to all of us hard working & devoted autism mommies!  We need a little TLC every now and again, so we can keep advocating our asses off!  Just name the day Ryan & I am in…

It’s Autism Awareness Month & they’re running a BOGO special on smokin hot autism advocates. And they’re super easy on the eyes to boot… who’s buyin?

And how sweet that Ryan wanted to help us “Light it up Blue” for Autism Awareness Month. But alas, he ran into a little trouble!

And here is the reason we are lighting it up blue throughout the month of April… My sweet Yael.

And her amazing sisters (Noa & Leora)… who love, accept and celebrate their sister for exactly who she is! They light up my world every day!

Ryan Gosling~Such Chutzpah!

It’s Friday!! And that means it’s Special Needs Ryan Gosling Day!

Bless you Sunday Stillwell for this much needed weekly dose of laughter! Friends, you need to check out all of the posts at extremeparenthood.com

This week Ryan is taking on the IEP and this nice Jew “ish” boy is showing off his more sarcastic Yiddish side! Yes, even a mensch (good, kind human being) like Ryan can get pissed off when the schools start messing with our services…

Now, I’ll admit that in the early years of Yael’s education, when we lived in Connecticut, IEP meetings were a very positive experience. From her time in our town’s special education preschool, through her first grade experience, the schools provided her with every possible service as well as her own facilitator. If only we truly knew how good we had it. Damn that 20/20 hindsight!

When she was entering 2nd grade, we moved down here to Georgia and soon enough they began to pull service after service from my girl. She no longer qualified for Occupational Therapy because she could write. Never mind the sensory, visual tracking, visual perception & fine motor planning issues that she struggled with. And Physical Therapy? Well, why would she need that? She could walk around the school! Never mind the low muscle tone, gross motor planning and coordination issues that she contended with daily. And placing her with the right teacher? The one whose teaching style would be most conducive to her learning style? The one that offered the most structure? Well, why did she need that? She just went into the grade level inclusion class with 5-6 other special needs children and 18 “typical needs” students. The one that was co-taught by a special education teacher with little to no experience teaching a child with autism. That way, I got to spend every other day putting out fires on the phone, via email or in person. Waking up each day sick to my stomach with anxiety & going to bed feeling the exact same way.

Finally, we had enough and left the public schools. We bounced around a bit, but we have finally found the right school for Yael. We gave up on the idea of mainstreaming & put her in a school where she is a square peg happily fitting into a square hole. It is a big huge tremendous financial sacrifice for us to have her in private school. I joke with my husband daily that he’ll just have to die on the pulpit at the ripe old age of 100 and I’ll be hobbling down the preschool halls with my cane, still teaching those children their ABC’s and 1 2 3′s. But, that’s okay. We’ll renew our vows at our 50th wedding anniversary still singing… “Even though we ain’t got money, I’m so in love with you honey.” That’s all that matters right?! Savings, college funds & retirement planning is soooo overrated anyway!

Perhaps had Ryan Gosling been around to serve as our advocate things might have turned out better. But alas, he was spending some time in Eastern Europe, brushing up on his Yiddish. Still, this is what I imagine he might’ve been thinking if he had come to one of our public school IEP meetings here in GA.  And lest you have no idea what Ryan is saying, let me help you out with a little Yiddish translation… It is important that when you get to chutzpah & tuches, that you give the “ch” sound the proper Yiddish flair. Pretend you’ve got to clear your throat, so you can cough up some phlegm… I know, sounds gross but Bubbie & Ryan will not have you butchering their language.

bupkis~ less than nothing (You know, the minimal amount that the school offers your child no matter what their diagnosis or level of functioning. We call it low balling around here.)

kvetch~complain (As in, what the schools do when you dare to step up and fight to get your child all of the tools they need in order to be successful. Really, how dare you?)

chutzpah~nerve (Well, this one’s pretty self-explanatory cause if you’ve got a kid with special needs, you encounter this one on a regular basis.)

shmuck~ can refer to a man’s genitalia (no, I won’t actually say the word… I am the rabbi’s wife after all, so let’s have some decorum) & it can also mean idiot or fool (I know, you’ve never encountered anyone like that at an IEP meeting~insert sarcastic tone here)

tuches~ ass (Nuff said?!)

And… just for fun

Oy Girl ~ Ryan Gosling Kosher Style

It’s that time of week again. Special Needs Ryan Gosling Fabulously Funny Friday. I am in serious need of some laughs this week, so the timing is just perfect. Check out all of the blogger entries at extremeparenthood.com you will truly laugh your tushy off!

Okay, so this week’s picture totally reminded me of “Fiddler on the Roof.”  Just throw on a tallis (Jewish prayer shawl) & a kippah (Jewish head covering) and Ryan could burst into his rendition of, “If I Were a Rich Man” at any time. Oh wait… he is a rich man. Okay, well that is neither here nor there.

Do you see the resemblance? No? Well, the pollen count in Atlanta has been wreaking havoc on my contacts, so it could just be me. But I’m going with it people…

What else could I do but follow up my first “Oy Girl” meme with another? Once again, Ryan is channeling his inner Jew, and this time he is bringing bubbie (an endearing Yiddish term for a Jewish grandmother) with him. I’m not sure that my bubbie would appreciate a gluten-free version of her gefilte fish. In fact, she might find such an idea a bit meshugina (crazy), but I hope she’ll have a good laugh about it from her place up in heaven. And, for anyone who truly wants to bring this dish to their Passover table, here’s a recipe you might want to try. http://www.elanaspantry.com/gefilte-fish/ Ryan says we need to keep our recipe in the family Oy Ryan, you really are such a mensch ( a good human being)!

And if you want to host a special needs friendly Passover seder, check out this link (http://blog.friendshipcircle.org/2011/04/15/a-sensory-friendly-passover-seder/) It’s filled with lots of great insights & ideas. Ryan & I would love to join you… we’ll bring the fish!

Ryan Gosling ~ Oy Vey!

I hear ya Ryan! I hear ya!! Let’s talk about it over a bowl of chicken soup & a bagel with a shmear of cream cheese.

Special Needs Ryan Gosling: Hey Girl~It’s a Fashion Statement

The PDD-NOS brand may be discontinued after May 2013. Please consult the DSM~V at that time to check out the newest & trendiest ASD  labels. They are sure to make you spin, stim & want to wear ‘em in…

Thank you Sunday Stillwell of  Adventures in Extreme Parenthood for starting the Special Needs Ryan Gosling trend… Because sometimes you’ve gotta laugh at life on the spectrum! Check her out at www.extremeparenthood.com